From the Vault: "I'm breaking up with Hockey"

originally posted on Facebook, January 2013

This is hard to say, Hockey, so I'm just gonna be honest with you: it's over. 

We've been together a long time, and we've been through a lot together. I still remember when we first met, when I was just a baby cuddled in my daddy's arms while he was hollering at the refs in a Habs game. You were so bright and shiny back then. 

Remember when I was 5, and I thought that the HNiC theme music was our national anthem? "bump-dumpty-bump…". Yeah, those were good times. 

I stood by you in '94 when you got into that bit of trouble in downtown Vancouver. You promised that you'd clean up your act, and I admit that for 17 years you kept your word and we didn't have any more "incidents" like that until you fell off the wagon in 2011. It broke my heart to see you do that to yourself; Hockey, I love you, but I cannot enable your destructive behavior anymore. 

You know these past few years have been hard for us, Hockey. You see it, too. You've changed a lot over the years. You are too high-maintenance for me. It's great that you're stronger and faster, but you've never completely shed your mean streak and nobody can make you see that your head-shots and dirty tricks are an embarrassment. I'd hoped you would outgrow that and mature but I was wrong. 

I'm also worried about the friends you keep -- do you really believe that the League, and Owners, and political button-pushers have kept your best interests in mind? They're using you, Hockey, but you won't see it. 

I didn't initially agree with your decision for us to take a break last fall, Hockey, but you ignored my opinion and launched your lockout anyway. But I'm glad for that after all because some time apart has given me the opportunity to see our relationship for what it really had become. I have had my moment of clarity. It was all one-sided, it all had to be your way: you set the schedule, you picked the jersey, it was always, "Hey, come watch me" and "Buy my stuff" but never once did you check to see if you were meeting my needs. 

I've barely heard from you in months, but I've heard a lot about you. I heard you were running all over Europe with whatever team would sign a check that week. That's low, Hockey. 

Then last week, out of the blue, you show up on my front steps like you'd never been gone. Like I should welcome you right back in? Well, that's not going to happen, Hockey. I figured by Christmas that you were never coming back and that we were through once and for all. 

I've started seeing other sports, too. Nothing serious yet -- it's too soon, I need to heal -- but you might as well hear it from me. I was out a few times with CFL last fall, and I've made some new friends at NFL, too. My dear friend MLB will be back in the spring, and who knows where that might lead? But regardless of those friendships, I have to stand my ground here and say goodbye, Hockey. 

We're through. 

I packed your stuff and it's in a box in your mom's garage. Good luck.

~ 30 ~